Insight to my life

Have you ever just wanted to leave and never look back? Sometimes I get that feeling. I think that is a little weird, but its the truth. So why do I feel this way sometimes? I really wish I could open up that door and figure it out. As you can tell I really do not enjoy talking about my emotions and I am truly trying to open up so that I can break through this cap that I have in opening up to my friends. I like to hold in everything, I guess its because I am truly afraid of being hurt, but I guess losing people is a way of life, is it not. My wife left me, my grandmothers past away, and a number of other people who let me down or hurt me in some way while I was friends with them. Is it really possible to open back up again? I like to hope so. I'm hoping that their is someone out their that I can be with. I am not looking for someone to spend my life with right now, but I am looking for someone that I can chill with, and just enjoy life. There is just way too many things going on in my life right now and I feel that if I do take someone fully into my life they will get bored and leave or I will not be able to keep up with the hanging out and partying with them because of work. Also missing half a year every year is kind of insane also. I am not sure how families handle that, mine dissolved in 4 months of being away, so go figure. I guess I am a little sour of the whole divorce thing, because promises were made to one another, and not kept. But I do not want to just pass all the blame off on my ex wife. I am at fault for the other half. I could have listened more and have been more into what she wanted, other then being away from home almost all the time. Miss her, can you tell. But hey, life goes on as it has always done since the beginning of time.