Lost to do!

So much stuff to complete that I don't even know where to start. My home is a mess right now and I have friends and family coming to visit next week. So I have to get all my rooms smelling fresh and do a deep clean of the bathrooms. At least my guest bedroom and bathroom are good. Yesterday I purchased the time capsule from Apple. I needed it to back up my computer, and its cool. It does its job, but I bought it so I could use it as an extended hard drive, but for some reason it doesn't seem to be working properly. I called Apple Care last night, and they told me that they do not recommend using it to store movies and music on to play in iTunes, but that is what I need because I only have about 1.5 GB left on my computer's hard drive and I would either like to get more hard drive space or an extended hard drive that will work with my computer. The next time I get a computer, I am definitely going to buy the 2 Tb hard drive, because I use up the space so quickly with movies and music.

In other news, I have a date tonight. I actually asked someone out and I'm happy that I will finally get to get out of the house. It feels like I have been couped up for a long while. I hope that I am over this crap sooner rather then later. But honestly better late then never...lol.

My English class is almost finished and I feel really good about it. I cannot wait to get done with it and move on to the next one. Following this there are only 3 more classes to complete. Yay!

Insight to my life

Have you ever just wanted to leave and never look back? Sometimes I get that feeling. I think that is a little weird, but its the truth. So why do I feel this way sometimes? I really wish I could open up that door and figure it out. As you can tell I really do not enjoy talking about my emotions and I am truly trying to open up so that I can break through this cap that I have in opening up to my friends. I like to hold in everything, I guess its because I am truly afraid of being hurt, but I guess losing people is a way of life, is it not. My wife left me, my grandmothers past away, and a number of other people who let me down or hurt me in some way while I was friends with them. Is it really possible to open back up again? I like to hope so. I'm hoping that their is someone out their that I can be with. I am not looking for someone to spend my life with right now, but I am looking for someone that I can chill with, and just enjoy life. There is just way too many things going on in my life right now and I feel that if I do take someone fully into my life they will get bored and leave or I will not be able to keep up with the hanging out and partying with them because of work. Also missing half a year every year is kind of insane also. I am not sure how families handle that, mine dissolved in 4 months of being away, so go figure. I guess I am a little sour of the whole divorce thing, because promises were made to one another, and not kept. But I do not want to just pass all the blame off on my ex wife. I am at fault for the other half. I could have listened more and have been more into what she wanted, other then being away from home almost all the time. Miss her, can you tell. But hey, life goes on as it has always done since the beginning of time.

Just a story

I'm sitting here, just relaxing. I cant believe the week is finally over. There is so much crap that went on this week, I'm surprised that it actually ended. So what to do with the weekend? Christmas is approaching. That is always a good time of families and friends, but this year I am once again spending my Christmas here in Virginia Beach away from my family. There is so much stuff to take care of that its ridiculous. A story though for you. One of my colleagues didn't receive his pay check on Monday, think about that, not receiving a paycheck especially in this economy and at this time of the year. Crazy, can I say that he was a little upset about it. And in the age of electronic paychecks that go straight into your bank account, no one has the capability of processing a regular check to its personnel. Its ridiculous, I think. So my colleague had to wait two extra days for his pay to post. Its kind of crazy that in those two days, he was delinquent in about 10 payments. Interesting don't you think. People relay so much on their paychecks and don't really save any money locally, its all invested in stocks and bonds. So when you need to liquidate, its actually very hard and takes time. But who really expects to not get paid for doing their job right.

Work

It's time for a change. I am not sure as to why I feel this way, but I just do. I really think that I could honestly be doing The same thing for much much more money. I really wish I could just do something more that was worthwhile to me. Why do I feel this way? This is really interesting to me. It gets to me as you can tell. So, it is awesome that I get to shoot guns and do a lot of other shit, but I really think I can make myself enjoy it. I guess I can because this is who I am and this is a dream job. There are so many people that would be fine doing what I do. Don't get me wrong because I really love doing what I do but I really feel like it's the same thing day in and day out. Is there really any job out there that doesn't get like this after six years?



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What's going on

I'm not quite sure what is happening to me. Am I going through midlife crisis way early or is this actually how 26 year olds really act? Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the partying and drinking and stuff like that, but I'm the one that the parents and friends call grandpa. I'm the one that never does the keg stands. I'm responsible. I'm actually Am the one that acts well beyond my years. Don't get me wrong I'm not going out and partying every chance I get. Back in my early twentys yeah not that long ago I actually partied every night, but I find urges lately to do it again. Honestly I had fun during that time, but then I got married and my perspective on life changed. My soon to be ex wife obviously didn't agree with all the staying in and that is why we broke it off because she liked to go out parting until the morning. I hate that shit, I just wish I didn't have the urges because I don't want that type of woman any more. I want an awesome girl who actually enjoys the finer things in life. I wonder if it's possible for me to meet her, whoever she is. I'm so tired lately and I have two long ass days tomorrow and Thursday. So much shit to do and not very much time to do it. I hate the extra admin bullshit at work. All stupid ass shit that is always needing to be verified and updated, verified and updated. I hate it...my personnel don't even like that shit. But hey it's what I do right. I think it's time for a career change.


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Change

Well, the start to turning my life around began. I cant believe it, I actually got through a whole day with someone that I was told didn't like me. We actually had fun, laughing, drinking, and enjoying each others company. Major points scored, if you ask me. As it turns out, we both had fun and I really enjoy her company. Go figure. Well, I have done not always good things in my life. What I mean by that is that I haven't always been truthful, mostly to my self. And that hurts no one but me. Sometimes I am a little over zealous and my ego gets big, but hey, isn't that the way a type A personality is? So far following this rigorous divorce, I have been challenged by life. I have overcome many obstacles and have probably hurt a few people in the after math of my divorce. For that I want to tell them I'm sorry. But, I am changing. I have challenged myself, to not fudge in anyway on honesty or commitment to my goals and the way I want to live my life. I'm honestly sick and tired of the way things have been going for me. There is more to my life, and I know I am meant to do something great in my life. Since I came into the Navy I have had this feeling that there is something missing, something more that I should be doing for humanity. I really feel that I must leave an impression in this world and right now, I feel that I am not even making a dent in the way things are going in this country or the world. I feel like I am stuck in Ground Hog day, every day the same thing, I wake up, go to work, come home, workout, watch TV, sleep and do the same thing, day in and day out. I'm honestly sick and tired of this. Its not my job, because honestly, really, lets face it, my job is AWESOME. I mean where else can a person jump out of planes and be at the fore front in a fight all at the same time. I love it. But I just have a feeling that my uses or my role can be apart of a much bigger picture. I'm still looking for that role that I need to fill. But for right now I have started to change my life with little things. Like Running for instance. Waking up in the morning early, right after the sun comes over the horizon and its glowing across the dew lit grass. Its so calming and elegant in its own way. BEAUTIFUL. So I am working up to actually doing that. I am putting together a list of things I want to personally accomplish prior to my 35th birthday. I know that is a while away, but lets face it, it takes time to go to those foreign countries.

Wasting time

What is up with the world today?I sometimess feel like I should have been born in a different era. Do any of you ever feel like your older then what you truely are? I feel that way all the time, and I really don't know how to explain it. It's bot like I watch movies that take place in the past either. It's just the way I am. Hmmm not even sure what I'm talking about anyway.

I guess I just needed to get that off of my chest. I requested the health care bill that is in the senate from Congressman Nye. I received a reply from him earlier today with the bill as the attachment. I have been reading through it all day today. I cannot believe how much crap is in it. Honestly, I really don't think that it will save the American people any money. Once I am finished writting a paper on it I will post my paper and the bill as an attachment for everyone to see. Also inpre of an upbeat news I am getting a tattoo. I found this awesome gothic cross with dragons intwined in it...can you say awesome? It looks very ancient..as I mentioned before I am drawn to things of this nature. I can't wait to give the tattoo artist the picture and my ideas to add into it and see what he come up with.


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